Friday 23 October 2020

 Hi my dear self, im back to here to talk to myself.....

Its about my relationship.

I'll explain when im free, but right now i just want to express my current thinking. I will write a full post when im free for it because it is quite long story. 

Alright..... 

I've been in uneasy for the past August happening that gives me my nightmare. 

Till now i still did something which i shouldnt do. But i just cant stop my self from it. But i do really give the full trust to my dear. I have mever doubt her before. Then why and what still makes me worry? Its because of him?

He has been doing alot of things which i am unable to accept. 

Here's what i cant accept.

Being a colleague, he everyday finds her for dinner. Its like literally everyday... By asking.... I mean could you imagine that, if a guy is not interested in her, why would he been everyday looking for her for dinner and the priority is her first rather than any other friends or family? He has nobody but only my dear? He amd my dear is just a colleague relationship but i felt it has gonr too far than relationship because i felt he is creating chances to see whether he has or he hasnt. *I felt threaten in this way*...because as a man, we have our senses too... We can smell something is not right in that situation.

Second feeling, its been a week, i recall it was 18/Oct. Its been a while that i have promised my dear that i gave her the full trust that i promise i wont look at her messages again. But still i cant control myself to be honest. Yes, i trust her but come on, i cant trust him... I can sense he is still haunting my dear in a way i think which he is waiting for an opportunity. Its been a while i have not update any news about his action such and such. Thus yesterday which is 23/Oct, i check out to her phone and found that she was deleting messages that she had converse with him. Now! This is something weird. Im not sure how to express and think. But the fact there is only 2 options. 

1. She is trying to? L**

2. She was doing to? A***d

There is 2 answer to it only. I have yet to know the answer. I dont want to make a fuss on this issue. But i wanted to know the truth behind her intention doing this. I hope she tells me how she would handle in this situation. I understand how she is and she been doing. Just that i hope she could tell me what is my dear gonna do to avoid things like this? I know my dear is to gentle. I know you dont like to hurt people. But you dont really know that you are hurting me. Im HURT! But i cant tell cuz you must feel it within you... You must put yourself in my shoe as how i did when you know i have been chat with a girl. My dear asked me to stop chatting and tell her the truth and i really did stop and avoid everything from her.

If i  ever tells my dear. It means that i am trying to demand my dear. If i demand my dear, it would have been my issue rather than its the guy issue. I really dont know how to handle this. God, please help me to go through this with my dear. We are good just that he is not nice. My dear cant avoid him due to he n her are colleague.

One she told me that she is weak in rejecting people and why should she due to they are actually just colleagues? 

I've also ever startled with this question. But the issue is he keep haunting and coming with such and such words tempting and conversations that is nearly close to courtship. These shouldnt be appearing in terms of colleague. Its too over compare to other colleagues. No colleagues shall everyday looking for you to talk and to share especially a guy in which a guy would be more preferable to bro talk... Not with a girl who already has a boyfriend and yet wouldnt respect people who has a boyfriend. Its disrespectfulness in full and should be avoid at any cost at all. How can he be like that? A gentlemen wouldnt do like that. But him, till now still asking him for dinner and giving diff words.

Uhhh my mind cant think anymore.... I still have long words to say about this. But its too pain for me to continue. I really dont know how but i will do my best to tell and advice myself day by day that the days will be good if im good and hope my dear knows what my dear is doing and my dear could really really honest with me in our relationship. I WOULDNT GIVE UP THIS RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RACHEL TAN WEI LING